The Beginning

The birth of this blog is the result of my own decision to stop being paralyzed...either by fear or by circumstance. When I was in law school, I assumed that everything would just fall right into place and I would be happy. After a massive stroke that nearly killed me I believe that I was blessed to be left on this earth to fulfill a purpose and I now find myself as a practicing criminal defense attorney who is completely miserable doing trial work. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the underlying work that I do (meeting with clients in jail or prison, educating them about the legal process, and helping them to triage their problems immediately is one of my favorite duties of the job), I just HATE trial. I've been petrified of taking cases to trial. Many things have factored into this unreasonable fear: inexperience, a lack of self-confidence because of my lingering stroke deficits,  the sheer uncertainty of trying to convince 6 people confined to an uncomfortable chair in a box (usually against their will) that my client is innocent (especially if I know they aren't). A crushing student debt load ($312,603.20 to be exact) and utter fear of failure in my current job causing me to find myself jobless also have factored into my misery.

As I write this, I realize that my circumstances may be uncomfortably familiar to others similarly situated in the practice of law or others looking to revamp their career. I also understand that each person, including myself, has a set of unique circumstances that led him or (in my case) her to seek out their purpose in life and pursue it with a determined passion. I hope to use this blog to tell my story of choosing to love the work that I do. Perhaps sharing my successes and failures will help myself and others learn from my mistakes and will garner constructive feedback from colleagues who have chosen to sail the waters of career content, instead of barely treading water in a J.O.B. (read as: "just over broke").

So what is it that I am setting my sights on in my new endeavor to achieve career contentment? The Consular track as a Foreign Service Officer (FSO). How ironic is it that I was just joking with my husband last week that if I could find a way to travel the world and get paid, I would quit my job tomorrow? We also have a running joke that if I could be a career student I would do it in a heartbeat. So, after much soul searching, researching, blog reading (thank you Digger and DiplomaticMom) and long talks about "what-ifs" with the husband, I have decided to register for the October 2014 FSOT.

It is my understanding that this test is an extremely difficult test to pass and that is just the beginning of an extremely competitive selection process. One of the challenges I am going to face at the outset is that I intend to request ADA accommodation for the test, since my left hand is still affected by the stroke damage and typing is not an easy task in a timed environment. (think one-handed typing an essay under time constraints without typos!) Pursuing this career change evokes an overwhelming fear of failure, so in my OCD way of assuaging my fear, I took the practice test to gauge where I stand if I didn't prep one bit for the test. On the first try 4 days ago, I was informed that I have a 17% chance of passing. Not good! Obviously not prepping is not an option. Not to be discouraged, I reviewed each and every answer (even the correct ones) to understand what went wrong and in the meantime, I have done some practice test questions on various other sites I can find. Today, I retook the practice exam (using a different e-mail address) and was informed that I have a 99% chance of passing. This was a great relief for 2 reasons. 1) It shows that I know enough to possibly pass the test and 2) it shows that the brain damage is not affecting my ability to retain new information, process it and utilize it again (in other words, my learning abilities remain unimpaired. SCORE!).

My goal for this blog is to keep track of my progress as I attempt to slay the intimidating giant of joining the elite of the federal government (and hopefully connect with some awesome people who are doing or have already done the same thing).